I used to steel myself for pediatrician appointments. I’d opted in to a hierarchical dynamic where I had something to prove. I felt like my babies’ growth was a reflection of my parenting skills. Reporting on milestones and development felt less about monitoring for potential issues and more to bolster my argument that I was, in fact, capable of mothering.
I found myself trying to think of concerns to ask about. And I engaged with advice I knew I would never take.
After dozens of visits and many different providers, I’ve reframed this dynamic in a way that better serves not just my babies, but my power as their mother.
There are some incredible providers out there. And it can feel really hard to find them. But the good news is that even if you don’t find someone who aligns completely with your values and perspective, YOU get to choose what details to share, questions you ask, advice you take, and whether or not you keep the next appointment or try someone new.
Your pediatrician should be one of many resources on hand to support you as you navigate what’s best for you, your baby, and your relationship. Here are some phrases I have used to shift the dynamic in pediatrician appointments:
“Our current setup is working for us, but thank you”
“I’m familiar with that recommendation but don’t feel clear on the details. Can you explain so I’m more comfortable making a decision?”
“I’m going to hold her for the shots - let me know where you need me to stand/sit and what would be helpful”
“That approach doesn’t feel right to me, but thank you”
“I’m going to do some research on my own before making a decision”
"What happens if we do nothing?"
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